Monday, October 19, 2015

Parenting 11-Year-Old: The Distance

I remember a few years ago, I would remind myself that one day, my boy would no longer want to hold my hands when he walks next to me. He would feel uncomfortable to be seen holding my hands and he probably would also feel awkward to utter 'I love you, Mama'.

That should be the mark of a new phase of his development.

When M was just 5 years old, a friend who had older boys once urged me to cherish the affection I had from my son then because the years would fly by and by the time the kids were 10 or 11, they would utter 'I hate you' faster than I could hug them.

Wow! I admit I did not quite believe him, thinking over-confidently that perhaps this had to do with the parent's relationship with the kids too.

Well, sadly, such days have arrived.

I do not know when exactly did they arrive, but a few weeks ago, I was pondering the factors that could be causing the strain in my relationship with my first-born and how much he has changed, that it struck me.

He does not hold my hands when he walks next to me anymore.

He no longer hugs me before going to bed, unless I insist on one or go hug him first.

He does not kiss me on my cheeks voluntarily for so long that I cannot even remember when he stopped doing that.

He does not say 'I love you' voluntarily, and even after I said 'I love you' to him, he does not reciprocate. Occasionally, I would hear a 'mmm' and he would just be looking in another direction as he uttered it.

When he gets out of the car, he does not say 'Bye Mummy'. After I complained one day that he is taking me for granted and too lazy to even say 'bye bye', he mumbled a quick 'bye' for the subsequent few days, before reverting back to not saying anything.

It makes me sad and sometimes grumpy. No one wants to be taken for granted.

Of course, I don't think he does all these or not do any of these on purpose to spite me. So I am not angry with him. I tried to talk to him a few times, but there was just no progress. My boy, who used to be so eloquent and open about sharing his feelings with me, just shrugged his shoulders and gave me a blank look, followed by several 'I don't know' responses.

Though I understand this is a phase that all children will go through, I still dread it. A part of me wonder if there were things that I did wrong, or did not do as well as I should, that brought about such behaviour. Or perhaps it is just entirely normal development, like the infamous Terrible Two phase, and that soon, he will be out of this phase.






Saturday, October 17, 2015

Chip is 9 (Part 1)

(photo taken in June 2014)


My middle child who has turned 9 recently, has grown and changed quite a fair bit.

Perhaps the only thing about him that has remained consistent through the years is his love for pigs and all things related to pigs.

No, he does not like pork. He just loves pigs. He refuses to eat pork unless we can convince him that they were of mean pigs.

The big brother would sometimes be real mean and deliberately suggest otherwise, which often resulted in bickering and some tears. Though I must admit I find it hard to fathom why with a bright mind like his, he would believe our version either. Perhaps it is a case of selective perception.

My middle child has a different personality from his older sibling. He is more adventurous and has no qualms exploring and giving new experiences a go, especially if he knows we approve.

He is still very inquisitive and often asks fascinating questions, which demonstrates his ability to consider the subject from all angles.

His love for games continues and he is always game to learn a new one. Since the Plants vs Zombie phase, he has been deriving great pleasure from a few other games, notably the Dragon City and Clash of Clans. When he plays, he seems to be in an entirely different world, so while I know he has great fun and seems to have a knack at strategizing (so hopefully there is one useful skill that he is honing) I have to enforce curbs to prevent him from turning into one of those gaming addicts.

He still enjoys drawing and would draw almost daily. He has even asked for drawing lessons, but we have been slow at acceding to his request.



Part 2 of this post continues here...











Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Younger Ones



She calls him her 'Prince Ali' whenever she decides to be 'Jasmine'.

They pretend play all the time, with her chasing her prince round and round in circles, just like the way Jasmine chased Ali in the movie Aladdin.

 For reasons I cannot comprehend, she always refer to M as 'Jafar', which never fails to draw a big shriek, followed by a long sigh from her sibling. But I know M do not mind being referred to as 'Jafar', as long as it makes his little mei-mei laugh.

This is such a precious age. Treasure, I must. For these days are numbered.



Monday, October 12, 2015

GEP 2015: Here We Go Again

It is that time of the year again, when the local parents who have 9 year old children in the local mainstream schools get anxious and excited. Some more so than others.

Having been through it two years ago when M was Primary 3, I know what to expect.

My intuition told me my Chippy should get through round 1, also known as the GEP Screening Stage.

Traditionally a third of this school cohort would get through this first round. With his strengths in English and Math, I reckon he should easily be placed in the top one-third of his school cohort, hence should clear this round.

That said, I did not want to be overly confident, so I did find time to chat with him before and after the GEP papers in late August, just to understand how he felt about this whole streaming business and to ensure his own expectation was reasonable.

The last few weeks were especially busy for me. After the GEP papers, I forgot all about it. Until a few days ago, when I received an email early in the morning from his form teacher, informing me that he was successful in round 1. Yay!!

To be honest, I felt a huge sense of relief and for a brief few minutes, I was very excited for my Chippy. He had said before that he just wanted to achieve as much as his brother did; no more, no less. Hence, clearing the screening stage is a necessary first step to get to where M is. I figured this piece of good news would make him very happy.

Oddly, by the time I picked him up from school that late afternoon, he did not seem to be much happier than normal. In fact, he forgot to mention it to me when he got into the car. Haha!

The GEP selection stage is just a few days away. Like I did with M, I explained to Chippy that we will not send him to any of those preparation classes. Though I know of friends who did (for round 1) and probably will be sending their offspring for round 2, I also know of kids who were unsuccessful even after spending $1200 for a few days of "training". The bottomline is, I do not believe the training is necessary. Not every child is suitable for the GEP curriculum anyway. If he is not, I would much rather he remains in the mainstream and excel in the PSLE.

Anyway, he already said he does not want to change school, no matter what happens. So there.... we will just be supportive parents, and send him to the two days of tests next week. The rest is up to him.




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